(As always, none of the characters depicted here are actual patients of mine. These examples are composites intended to illustrate common human and relational patterns.) Imagine two friends. The first friend (let’s call him Jack) goes to an event that he knows his other friend would have enjoyed, but for various reasons didn’t invite him. The second friend (let’s call him Fred) finds out through the grapevine that Jack went and didn’t invite him. Neither man understands what’

Your mind evolved to take care of your body, not the other way around. Most of us live in reverse. We care for our bodies in pursuit of long, healthy lifespans. We train our bodies to support our athletic hobbies. When you feel down, a therapist like me might encourage “behavioral activation” (think going for a walk) as a way for your body to help your psyche feel better. But…what if all of this is backwards? Why Mental Health is Physical You’re familiar with evolutionary the

This analogy emerged in a session recently and I thought some folks might find it useful. And it's not just that relationships are as important as breathing (though perhaps they are). In the body there are voluntary functions and there are involuntary functions. Voluntary functions are those that we consciously choose to do, and involuntary functions are those we automatically do. Clapping your hands is voluntary. Your heartbeat is involuntary. Interestingly, there are some

You might come to therapy to make a decision. Fair enough. Lots of people do. This is a warning that it may not go the way you think. A lot of folks think of therapists as experts who help advise people on what they should do because they’re experts in living (and unfortunately I think some therapists believe this about themselves). However, there are good reasons why good therapists usually don’t give advice. First, it’s much better for you to take responsibility for your o

Algorithms are useful, but choose the right ones. Greedy algorithms are problem-solving approaches that choose the most locally optimal...

Relationships are like campfires: They keep us warm, safe, and help us find our way. tl;dr: Relationships have many functions but also...

There’s a myth about self-compassion, and therapy generally, that it takes away your competitive edge. The thought goes that although you might be a bit happier, you won’t try as hard or achieve as much if you were kinder to yourself. This has been, understandably, a point of skepticism for some of my high achieving patients. However, self-compassion actually allows you to stop wasting your energy on criticizing yourself and instead spend it towards something productive. Thin

tl;dr: accept and grieve, connect, take action Winter recedes and summer rushes our way. This means longer days, warmer weather, hiking...

Summer Weather in Washington - Great in August, Concerning in February It’s winter in Seattle. That means it’s been dark and drizzly,...