(As always, none of the characters depicted here are actual patients of mine. These examples are composites intended to illustrate common human and relational patterns.) Imagine two friends. The first friend (let’s call him Jack) goes to an event that he knows his other friend would have enjoyed, but for various reasons didn’t invite him. The second friend (let’s call him Fred) finds out through the grapevine that Jack went and didn’t invite him. Neither man understands what’

Your mind evolved to take care of your body, not the other way around. Most of us live in reverse. We care for our bodies in pursuit of long, healthy lifespans. We train our bodies to support our athletic hobbies. When you feel down, a therapist like me might encourage “behavioral activation” (think going for a walk) as a way for your body to help your psyche feel better. But…what if all of this is backwards? Why Mental Health is Physical You’re familiar with evolutionary the

This analogy emerged in a session recently and I thought some folks might find it useful. And it's not just that relationships are as important as breathing (though perhaps they are). In the body there are voluntary functions and there are involuntary functions. Voluntary functions are those that we consciously choose to do, and involuntary functions are those we automatically do. Clapping your hands is voluntary. Your heartbeat is involuntary. Interestingly, there are some

You might come to therapy to make a decision. Fair enough. Lots of people do. This is a warning that it may not go the way you think. A lot of folks think of therapists as experts who help advise people on what they should do because they’re experts in living (and unfortunately I think some therapists believe this about themselves). However, there are good reasons why good therapists usually don’t give advice. First, it’s much better for you to take responsibility for your o

Algorithms are useful, but choose the right ones. Greedy algorithms are problem-solving approaches that choose the most locally optimal choice, with the hopes that it leads to a globally optimal solution. Said another way–you choose what looks best now, with the hopes that it leads to a good outcome long term (or without thinking about the long term at all). In computer science, greedy algorithms are quick, simple, and surprisingly effective. Quick Fixes are Tempting for Ment

Relationships are like campfires: They keep us warm, safe, and help us find our way. tl;dr: Relationships have many functions but also take work. They feel good, keep us safe, and keep us healthy. But it takes effort, especially in adulthood, to begin and develop friendships. Also, depending on the season of life, you may have combinations of many small fires (e.g., acquaintances) and fewer bigger fires (e.g., a partner, best friend). Being lonely is like sitting by an exting

There’s a myth about self-compassion, and therapy generally, that it takes away your competitive edge. The thought goes that although you might be a bit happier, you won’t try as hard or achieve as much if you were kinder to yourself. This has been, understandably, a point of skepticism for some of my high achieving patients. However, self-compassion actually allows you to stop wasting your energy on criticizing yourself and instead spend it towards something productive. Thin

tl;dr: accept and grieve, connect, take action Winter recedes and summer rushes our way. This means longer days, warmer weather, hiking the mountains, and swimming in lakes. Oh, and wildfires. As wildfire season approaches, a lot of people experience increased climate change anxiety and wildfire related stress. These feelings can be overwhelming, but there are some things you can do. Accept and Grieve What is Out of Your Control. Anxiety is a signal that helps you take action

Summer Weather in Washington - Great in August, Concerning in February It’s winter in Seattle. That means it’s been dark and drizzly, grey and dreary–a bit depressing. This is the price we pay for our northern latitude (further north than half of Canadians or any part of Maine*), proximity to the ocean, and the reason for our beautifully green region. Also as I write this–it’s over 60 degrees F (~16 deg C) and perfectly sunny. As a climate-aware therapist, weird weather event

Comparison is a natural tendency, especially in college, where you’re surrounded by peers striving for success. You’re trying to figure out who you are, how good you are, and where you fit—but this can sometimes lead to harmful comparisons that undermine your confidence. Here’s how to shift your mindset and focus on what really matters. First, remember that comparison is the thief of joy, for literally everyone. Anyone can find someone who is better than they are at something

Winter break is a time for rest. A time for celebration. For recharging. How can you make the most of it without feeling like you're wasting time? The first step to a meaningful winter break is clarity. Ask yourself: what do you want to get out of this time? If you’ve been pouring your energy into academics and career goals all semester, there’s no rule that says your break has to be about the same—unless an internship or unique opportunity truly excites you. Instead, consid

Election season can be stressful. This election season is absolutely nerve racking for many, as folks wait with bated breath and hope...

tl;dr: There are different ways of approaching therapy. Sometimes you need to manage week to week happenings, sometimes you have the space to work on deeper patterns. Some know they could benefit from therapy but aren't sure where to start. One helpful metaphor is that of a sinking boat: your boat. The decision is yours—will you bail water (manage stressors) or rebuild the boat (work on yourself)? Imagine the water as stress, and the boat as your ability to handle it. Typical

Psychologists like me talk about the unconscious often, but what is it? The unconscious is the part of our mind that operates outside of our awareness. It is not something that we have direct access to, so that makes it difficult to think about, and near impossible to notice in ourselves. Some folks doubt the unconscious even exists. Yet it's obviously there, influencing our affect, behavior, and cognition (our ABC's) and it's something like this: Think about when you w

Introduction Most of my patients use something called "the internet." It's a wonderful resource, mostly of memes and pet videos, but it also comes with some drawbacks. One such drawback is expert reviews and opinions.[1] The Pitfalls of “One-Size-Fits-All” Approaches Undoubtedly there are benefits to these reviews, but I notice many folks falling into the trap of thinking the best ranked products or techniques are the best for them personally. There are several reasons why t

Some people think they need to be in crisis to go to therapy. But actually, there are good reasons why someone with more manageable issues might speak with a therapist.

Photo by Marc St. Gil. “ Atlas Chemical Company belches smoke across pasture land in foreground. The plant is referred to as "Old Darky" in the community because black soot from the plant covers everything nearby. One farmer claims he lost several cows due to soot and chemicals from Atlas." The most common advice for addressing one’s climate anxiety, or eco-distress, is to participate in meaningful action. “Worried about climate change? Go do something!” The touted benefits a

Well...as explained in the first episode, this podcast was an experiment. It turned out to be a quite short one! The conversations were fun and I enjoyed trying something new, but a podcaster I am not. There may be more episodes in the future if the urge strikes, but we're hanging up the microphones for now. I am so glad to have spent the final episode with Emily Wood (https://www.emilywoodcounseling.com/) , discussing attachment theory. She is a generous guest, I believe h

Hey there! Episode three is (and has been) live wherever you get your podcast episodes. In this episode we discuss psychedelic-assisted therapy with Emma Knighton (https://unitywithincounseling.com/). If you prefer to listen on iTunes, here's the link . If you prefer Spotify, here's that link . And you can listen to it right here in this webpage. As always, I hope you find this useful!

Hello! Episode two is now live wherever you get your podcast episodes. In this episode we discuss insight-oriented therapy with Kendra Kirsonis (https://www.kendrakirsonis.com/). If you prefer to listen on iTunes, here's the link . If you prefer Spotify, here's that link . As always, I hope you find this useful.