Therapy Approaches: Are You Bailing Water or Rebuilding the Boat?

tl;dr: There are different ways of approaching therapy. Sometimes you need to manage week to week happenings, sometimes you have the space to work on deeper patterns.

Some know they could benefit from therapy but aren't sure where to start. One helpful metaphor is that of a sinking boat: your boat. The decision is yours—will you bail water (manage stressors) or rebuild the boat (work on yourself)?

Imagine the water as stress, and the boat as your ability to handle it. Typically, the boat can manage stress, but too much stress or a weakened boat can overwhelm. Think of the boat as your psychological resilience, navigating pressures like work, social life, or global issues. If you’re considering therapy, you may feel a bit swamped.

Your therapy approach depends on your boat's condition. If it’s fully flooded, start by bailing water; without this, no real boatwork is possible. Or maybe the boat is sturdy, but an external storm (like a significant loss or sudden change) left it full of water. However, if cracks have formed in the hull or if you're tired of endless bailing, it’s time to build a stronger boat to withstand life’s storms.

Bailing vs. Building: Which One Are You?

If you're focusing on week-to-week issues, you're likely bailing water. This might mean sharing recent events without deeper analysis, simply offloading stress to stay afloat. When life feels chaotic or relationships are suffering, addressing these immediate pressures can be stabilizing. A caring therapist listening to you is part of this process, helping you feel heard and creating trust—ultimately strengthening your resilience.

Boat building, however, goes deeper. Here, you explore how weekly events tie into long-term patterns, acknowledging that maybe the boat’s design (rather than the water) needs attention. In this process, you might examine past caregivers, relationship patterns, and/or how you may be adding water to the boat. Through insight-driven therapy, you gradually develop structures to handle more stress without becoming overwhelmed.

Sometimes, boat building is about quick fixes, but it can also mean a longer redesign of the boat itself. This type of therapy also helps prevent generational cycles of leaky boats passed down from caregivers who struggled with stress. A legacy of anxiety, anger, or self-medication can leave lasting impacts. Therapy offers tools for breaking these patterns, creating resilience beyond simple survival.

Knowing the Approach You Need

Both bailing and building are valuable. If external stressors are too great, or you're simply overwhelmed, focus on bailing. But if temporary problems recur or you sense internal patterns holding you back, consider shifting to boat building.

And remember, sometimes the water really is the issue—like with climate change or major illness. Therapy then helps you navigate this reality with strength and grace.

Whether bailing or building, knowing the approach you need can guide you toward the therapy that best aligns with your goals.

Written by Jon Reeves, PhD, licensed psychologist and owner of Forefront Psychology